Serendipity Words

Recently I saw a photo that I can’t seem to shake from my mind. Almost as if the girl that was drawn was me. Or even others that I love. Since I can’t share the photo, I’ll do my best to describe it. So let’s take a simple piece of paper, and on it, you draw a woman’s head. She’s looking off to the side. She’s speaking, so add a couple of flairs where words would typically be. But inside of this woman’s outline, there’s another person. This one is screaming. She’s screaming her truth. Her voice echoed internally, but those very yells never left her lips. 

Thoughts fill the mind, but you can’t say this or that for whatever reason. What if that screaming became your daily? You fight that screaming. You fight your mood changes and actions soon to follow. Surely someone can hear those yells through the facade. 

I’ve thought about this drawing a lot lately. Is it because I relate to it? Is it because I see it in others? My heart breaks regarding this very sight. There was one point in my life when someone told me that I held the hammer that smashes the hardened shell that allowed that voice to be heard. And so I thought long and hard about this entire thing. Why do we take the phrase “ I’m fine” and run with it? Why do so many people hold that sound until one person hears them? Who is that person? Did God put them there to open that shell? All of these questions flood my brain. For years I have sat and internalized all of my thoughts and yells. I have accepted the idea that I would never be heard and that I would fight this war alone as much as I help everyone else. Yet I watched the reality of what happens when you genuinely listen to someone’s heart. Someone is who is openly willing to release that scream. It brings clarity to clouded thoughts. It brings comfort in knowing that you are allowed to have emotions. It brings sincerity to the belief that it is ok not to be ok. Yet so many people are scared of what follows. One of my main thoughts when I heard that initial line regarding the hammer was why can’t I use it on myself? Yet nobody but them even knew. So what if instead of accepting the “ I’m fine” we admit the truth and let someone else pick up the hammer. Let someone else get to know us as they help break our hardened hearts legitimately. Yet till then, we will all just be stuck with our screaming voices.